Month: December 2009

Cold. Solid. Gray. Fog. Strength. Ugly. Beautiful. Concrete. Fog. Rain.

This last session has been incredibly hard. I wake up at 8:00 and am working basically nonstop until at least 2:00 a.m. My whole life I have believed that if you work hard enough then you will succeed. But I have been working harder then I have ever worked and I’m still terrified that I will fail. Frustrated, stressed, and always on the brink of a nervous breakdown I recieved a call from my family informing me that our beloved dog had died. I broke down after hanging up. In the midst of the “why?” and the tears I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror.

My first inclination was to get out my camera and  take pictures….

This was when I knew I was exactly where I am supposed to be. Yes, its hard. Yes, sometimes I think there is just no way. But photography is my passion, I’m living my dreams, and despite it all I feel so incredibly blessed.

So here are images of a girl missing her puppy, a girl who is stressed, but most importantly…a girl who is incredibly lucky to be living her dreams.

One wonderful day in Fairbanks, Alaska my mom asked me and my brother if we wanted a dog. YES!!!! we both agreed. A few weeks later we were the proud owners of Nikki (formerly belonging to my cousins, aunt, and uncle) I remember the most shocking part was it had been my dad’s idea; a man who my entire life had been vehemently opposed to having one.

That first night was hard…they tied her up outside and I secretly cried all night because I was so worried about leaving her out. Eventually, she wiggled herself into our home and our hearts.

Nikki was a people dog through and through. If we were in the living room, she would be too. If I was sleeping, she would be in my room. If we were outside, she would be prancing around beside us. Once, she tried to swim behind us when we left in a boat hahaha.

Every day when I came home from school she would greet me with a wagging tail, a shoe in her mouth (she had to have something in her mouth if she was happy but she never chewed lol) and plenty of dog hair to distribute all over my clothes.

Nikki quickly became a beloved part of the McCrackin family….I’m going to miss her so much.

When I think of Christmas weather I think of snow all white and glistening, of being curled up in a blanket, of sipping hot cocca while reading a fantastic Jane Austin novel. When Californian’s think of Christmas weather they think of bigger surf. Everywhere I look I see palm trees with Christmas lights….there is something wrong with that picture right? As my room mate, Lydia, put it: santa is riding around on a surfboard instead of a sleigh. The other day it was overcast (which is so rare for Santa Barbara!) and I got really excited. I donned a thick sweatshirt and made hot tea. It was amazing.

Anyways…this is a random picture of a seagull at the mission. =)